Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
