Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
