i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
