Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
