her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think i got beer on your cat.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
