That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
