is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
