Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
