i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
