Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
