Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
