When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
