I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
