Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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