i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
