I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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