An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
