If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
