I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
