I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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