I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
