Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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