I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
