why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
