I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
