I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
