im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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