Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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