garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
