Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
