You smell like stripper and shame
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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