yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
