it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
