I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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