Im at strip club and am horny
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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