Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
