Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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