Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
