You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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