I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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