Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
