Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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