im drinking this country out of the recession.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize