I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
