I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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