I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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