We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
