as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
