dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
4 words: hood of his car
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
