my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
