I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
