Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
