The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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