So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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