I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
