She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
