redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
