hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
