It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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