Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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