My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it's like iHOP with fire
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The adults are the big ones right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
