ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
