Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
