dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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