i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
